Category: Uncategorized (Page 1 of 3)

At the beginning of the semester, I made frequent grammatical mistakes. Whether it was adding a comma where it’s not needed, using the wrong “there,” or using the wrong punctuation to close out a sentence. I would make common mistakes, stuff that I know, but I wouldn’t take the time to deeply read over my piece to fix those mistakes.

The example below it’s from Essay #1, focusing on the red underlines and how I had sentence-level errors.

As you can tell I misused “there” when it’s supposed to be “their,” and I didn’t have a question mark after “taught.” These are all mistakes that can easily be fixed through proofreading, but I found myself skimming over my piece rather than deeply reading it at the beginning of the semester. This is just a sentence-level error, and it’s easy to miss these in your essay, but I found this occurring less and less in my next two essays.

Here’s an example from Essay #3, where I focus on my punctuation and minimizing grammatical mistakes. Pay attention to how I respond to the question I bring up in the essay.

Here you can tell, I’m trying to engage the reader by asking a question, and then when I answer it, I focus on my use of commas, and punctuation. My proofreading overall in Essay #3 was a lot better than any of my other essays. After re-reading Essay #3 multiple times before turning it in, it made me feel the best as my sentence-level mistakes were definitely minimized.

With such a focus on global revision this semester, we also never lost sight of local revision, because it’s just as important. The reason we focused so much on global revision is that we’re so used to using local revision when revising others and our own pieces, we tend to just focus on grammatical and sentence-level errors. Instead, this semester we began looking at the bigger picture, which was useful and helped improve my own revision process and during peer review. But for me, I also feel like I also improved with local revision, as I think I minimized my grammatical mistakes as the semester progressed and from Essay #1 to Essay #3.

Outcome 5 (Document Work MLA) – Document their work using appropriate conventions (MLA)

This semester, we dove into how to cite your sources in the text appropriately, and at the end of the text, according to the MLA format. At the beginning of the semester, I sometimes struggled to find page numbers for my embedded sources, and it would take more time to go back and find them. As we began to write Essays #2, and #3, I kept this in mind, and I’d always mark the page number of possible quotes I wanted to use for my essay. This would not only keep me organized but would help with efficiency as well.

Here’s an example of an embedded source from Essay #2. Pay specific attention to the punctuation of my in-text citation.

I followed the MLA format of putting the author’s last name in parenthesis, followed by the page number. Then the period comes after the parenthesis close. I’ve always known this, but the process has become more efficient, as I’ve gathered the page numbers before I begin drafting my essay.

Another thing I want to look at is my Works Cited page at the end of my essays. They always come on a new page, following the conclusion of your essay. Coming into the class, I knew how to construct works cited pages, but I haven’t normally done it after an essay. I liked how we were giving credit to the authors we referenced in the writing.

Below is an example of my works cited page from Essay #3

As you can tell it’s a stand-alone work cited page, and indented, and sorted alphabetically. Overall, I’ve reaffirmed what I already know as far as worked cited pages go, but I found an easier and more efficient way to do in-text citations throughout this semester.

Outcome 4 (Peer Review) – Be able to critique their own and others’ work by emphasizing global revision early in the writing process and local revision later in the process.

Peer review may be the biggest difference between high school and college, it’s changed dramatically. I’ve learned exactly how to peer review, and exactly how effective it is to revise. If everyone leaves meaningful feedback on their peer’s papers, then everyone will receive meaningful feedback as well. Through my experiences this semester we’ve done three different peer reviews, which have all been extremely beneficial to me. Not only are we receiving our peer’s feedback, but we’d also get comments from Professor Brod. Having different eyes and perspectives on your piece allows your writing to be seen in many different ways which is valuable. 

Another key point with peer review that we’ve focused on is to offer perspective but to not change their point of view. We learned you shouldn’t change what the writer is saying, you should just offer opinions on how they can improve what they’re already saying. Instead of rewriting a paragraph, you may say, “I think this would be a good spot to bring in an additional source.” And then you may name a good source to bring in. 

I’d like to provide examples of both my own review of my peer’s paper, as well as feedback I’ve received from my classmates. 

Pay attention to how the feedback I received is actionable, and something I can put directly into my essay to improve it. 

This was from Essay #3:

Not only did she give me useful advice that I can work with, but she also began with what she liked. Not necessarily for me, but sometimes when you lead with something you like, the person may be more apt to listen to what advice they may have for your writing. In this case, Audrey inspired me to continue my paragraph and go into detail about the hunter-gatherer lifestyle and how we’ve always had to depend on one another.

I now want to look at how my comments have changed from the beginning of the semester to now. I believe every peer review I’ve taken more time to deeply read to give the author the suggestions they deserve.

On the first peer review, I don’t have any physical comments that I’ve kept, but I would normally say something about the clarity of the piece. I’d either say it’s easy to understand, or I’d mention parts that are slightly confusing. I could tell as the semester went on, I began to not just say that, but explain how to make it better.

For example, on Audrey’s rough draft for Essay #3, I left this comment.

This was towards the end of one of her paragraphs, and I felt myself getting a little lost while reading. She was making great points, but instead of just telling her I was getting lost, I gave some advice on how to make this point in her piece clear. I suggested relating back to her thesis just to remind her readers what exactly she’s arguing.

The peer reviews I received were always beneficial, which made me want to put in extra effort to make sure my partner was receiving beneficial suggestions too. I think it’s important to not lose sight of mentioning the things they do well in the piece too, so often people focus on what’s wrong, but I definitely continued leaving compliments on the piece because that always feels good.

I do think my peer reviews have grown throughout the semester into me leaving more meaningful comments for my classmates, critiquing their work with a focus on global revision, and then, later on, looking at the sentence-level structure and local revision.

Outcome 3 (Active Reading) – Employ techniques of active reading, critical reading, and informal reading response for inquiry, learning, and thinking.

When annotating, I’ve always been one to briefly read over the article, and then go back and add annotations. If I couldn’t find enough information to annotate, I would underline random things because I’ve never really been taught how to annotate. It’s more-so something teachers just expect you know how to do. So in this class, when we received the “Brief Guide to Annotations” it was very helpful. I often looked back on it, but once we got to our third and fourth readings I was comfortable with the material on the guide sheet. 

At the beginning of this class, I tried a little bit of everything. I used all the different annotation types, Understanding, Questioning, Exploring Relationships, Extending, Challenging, and Rhetorical. I soon realized that my focus was finding places where all these annotations would fit, but it began to take away from the actual reading. My focus wasn’t on understanding the content of the article, it was trying to find the right spot for the specific annotations. So, as the semester progressed, I realized that I should read to understand the article, and annotations are something I can add as it comes to my head. I began to have favorites, specific annotations started to work for me, such as “challenging” the writer and “understanding” the piece. Those two I found myself focusing more on. 

Here’s an example from The Limits of Friendship by Maria Konnikova (2nd Page, 2nd and 3rd paragraph) 

This shows two of my annotations, one helping me understand the setting and time period of the piece. And the other is challenging/pushing back on the writer. I was challenging the fact that “the number of people the average person could have in her social group was a hundred and fifty.” I thought that was way too big, so I made an annotation to push back. I tend to leave quick annotations, sometimes only ones that I can understand, but jotting down quick ideas helps me as I read.

I also experimented with “Extending” and “Exploring Relationships” In the next example, pay attention to not only those two annotations, but also how I add brief thoughts to help my own understanding.

Here’s an example from the same piece, “The Limits of Friendship.” (2nd page, 3rd paragraph)

As you can tell, I continued to use understanding as an annotation method, but I experimented a bit trying others. I still believe Understanding and Challenging are the two types that work best for me.

Another thing I want to look at is how my reading response answers actually helped me develop a paragraph in one of my essays.

This example is from Paul Bloom’s piece, “Is Empathy Overrated?” The question asked was, In two healthy paragraphs, summarize the piece AND show (with framed quotes and paraphrase from the text) what you believe to be the author’s three main points/arguments.

Writing the response helped me draft a paragraph for Essay #2. Since I had to think about what we’re Bloom’s points and not just that they were controversial, but how they were controversial, helped me create a well-crafted, nuanced paragraph. It helped me push back on Bloom, and establish my own perspective.

This example is from Essay #2, at the beginning of Paragraph #2. I want you to pay attention to how I used the same quote as my reading response “…Here your empathy is silent” and how I built off of it.

Overall, I’ve used my reading responses many times to construct a paragraph in one of my essays, and it’s a good tool to use when you are having a hard time brainstorming ideas. In this case, it helped me push back on Bloom and challenge his perspective.

Outcome 2 (Integrating Ideas) – Be able to integrate their ideas with others using summary, paraphrase, quotation, analysis, and synthesis of relevant sources.

The integration of sources has been the focal point of all my essays this semester. Beginning with what “They Say” and moving into my understanding of the quote by explaining it with what “I Say.” I quickly noticed something that was working for me, which was Barclay paragraphs. It would help me integrate multiple sources while maintaining my own voice. Here’s an example of a paragraph where I integrated sources without a Barclay paragraph, and then I’ll give you an example of when I did use the outline. 

Essay #1 integrating Chen- beginning of 2nd paragraph

Essay #2 integrating Bloom and Wallace- beginning of 2nd paragraph

You can tell in the first example I only had one source, it would’ve been a much better paragraph if I could’ve brought in another point of view. So in the second essay, I focused on instead of just integrating sources, having the sources interact with one another. In the second example, I push back on Bloom and extend with specifics to make it more nuanced. I then compare it to David Foster Wallace and how it relates to Bloom’s controversial thoughts on empathy. 

This was the main focus for me as I went into Essay #2, and Essay #3, which is to have the sources interact with each other to strengthen my point, but also to not lose sight of my own voice. I think my essays improved significantly because of what I learned about integrating Barclay paragraphs and bringing in multiple viewpoints. 

(Recursive Process) – Demonstrate the ability to approach writing as a recursive process that requires substantial revision of drafts for content, organization, and clarity (global revision), as well as editing and proofreading (local revision). Word Count: 480

At the beginning of the semester, I honestly didn’t think much of the revision process. In high school, We had to do a rough draft, a peer review, and a final draft. When the time came to start revising, I spent minimal time, if any. I took it as extra time to focus on other work, rather than actually sitting down and spending quality time revising my essay. I’m not just saying this, but my mindset now has completely changed. I’m devoting more time to the process, focusing more on revision specifically. A huge thing that helps is how seriously we take peer review in this class. I’m getting valuable feedback that helps me improve my writing, whereas in high school the reviews we left on our peer’s papers were more-so local revisions, focused more on grammatical mistakes, and those can only go so far to help improve a paper. 

As the semester progressed, I devoted more time to the revision process, more than I ever have in any of my past English classes. I put more effort in because I realized the importance of it, and how I could see the improvements in my paper, from rough drafts to final drafts. If you compare my high school rough drafts to final drafts there wouldn’t be much difference, only minimal changes. Now, you’ll see in my writing drastic changes and improvements. 

An example of this is how I re-constructed this sentence from my rough draft in Essay #2 and then improved it upon the final draft. 

Revised version:

Here I focused on simplicity and restructuring. (local revision) I felt like I had some unnecessary words, like “what others may be going through.” So I revised that sentence into something slightly more to the point, and easier to understand. “Idea of increased social awareness is something that…” 

One big thing Professor Brod mentioned to me that has helped me with all three of my essays, is to make sure you have an introduction to the source/transition (global revision), for example, “As DFW puts it…” Instead of just going right into the quote. In the above example, I said “In DFW’s piece…” But I felt like I could make the introduction into the source stronger, so instead, with Professor Brod’s help, in my revised piece, I had “In DFW’s piece, he says reflecting on strangers around him…” 

Small changes like this I believe reflect on the entire essay, because it shows your being specific, which helps the understanding from a reader’s perspective. This is the whole reason my revision strategies have improved because I understand how important it is to focus on specificity. (local revision)

I feel like I’ve focused more on integrating my voice in this English class than I ever have. I think it’s because we’re given heavy source material, so you need to have some balance between the source and your own voice. I’ve specifically put my voice in direct conversation with the sources, to have the reader understand my point of view, and what I’m arguing. I think adding your own perspective is very helpful and something I’ve definitely focused on this semester.

In a country so divided, is unity even possible? In, “Eating Jack Hooker’s Cow” an essay by Portland-based writer Michael Paterniti, informs us what it means to be an American while showing us insights into characters, Jack & Bout and how their individual lives are so different, yet so similar. They both have to jump over obstacles, but some are much higher than others. In another piece, “Small Kinsndesses,” a poem by American poet Danusha Lameris touches on how were losing parts of each other now, and in order to retain connections, we need to show kindness. Despite not everyone has the same path to success, it’s about the connections you make along the way, the small acts of kindness, and the obstacles you face that will ultimately shape you, and help with the divisions in American society.

Describe your essay’s most notable strength, using at least one direct quote from your work to support your choice. 

I think my most notable strength is bringing in my personal opinions. Not just using the sources, but adding my perspective to the situation. Interacting my voice with the sources, and not letting my own voice gets lost. “I disagree completely, these lives matter, these children have families, and they have loved ones, who will need people to empathize with them. In today’s world, we are so connected that you can find these names on the internet, so it’s not just a statistical abstraction” This is me interacting with the source and bringing in my own thoughts which I think is my most notable strength in this essay. 

Revisit your 1st Essay and then read your 2nd. How has your revision process improved? Call attention to one place in your 2nd essay where revision helped significantly.

In my 2nd essay, using the Barclay paragraph and a Naysayer was something that I focused on with revision. Not only making sure I had them, but making sure it was polished like we talked about in class. “Bloom’s understanding is that empathy is particularly insensitive to consequences that apply statistically rather than to specific individuals. While I agree that there’s a right and wrong time to empathize with someone, like if someone passes, sometimes giving space before showing empathy would be preferred. Instead of smothering the ones who were hurt with love, you may wait until the right moment.” This is the first half of my naysayer paragraph, instead of just stating the other side, I went into detail on why I can see where they may be coming from. This was something I focused on in revision, especially in the second essay.

Briefly analyze your integration of source material. What techniques did you use to synthesize source materials within your 2nd essay?

I integrated sources well, I would use transitions to help the sources fall into place. I feel like I had a nice introduction to the source before I used it, by saying, “as Wallace puts it” and others. This was to help the flow of the essay, and to not just throw the source in, but have something that helps readers understand where the material came from. 

How has your voice been integrated as part of your academic writing so far this semester? Find your strongest use of voice in Essay #2, paste it into your post, then speak briefly about its strengths. 

I already mentioned this as my biggest strength, but it was my voice integration I believe. Like when I mention the source but then say my own thoughts regarding it so the reader doesn’t lose sight of what I believe. “I disagree completely, these lives matter, these children have families, and they have loved ones, who will need people to empathize with them. In today’s world, we are so connected that you can find these names on the internet, so it’s not just a statistical abstraction” I tried in this essay to be stronger with my points, be more persuasive, in a way of saying that I’m right in this situation. I use counterarguments as well, but I try to stay on point in what I’m arguing. 

Paste then analyze your thesis statements from the first and second essay. How do they compare? Note similarities/differences. Which is stronger, and why? 

First: I believe we must monitor our use or else we will lose social skills, lose valuable in-person friendships while showing the next generation that this is essential to our daily lives and that we can’t live without it.

Second: Incorporating (Wallace’s) awareness will help us understand each other as individuals and take a deeper look into what others may be going through. 

I feel like I’m more specific in the second one, and it’s easier to elaborate on. I can talk about Wallace’s awareness, as well as outlooks on other individuals, and then a deeper look into what they actually might be going through. I think it’s more to the point and overall a stronger thesis. 

Close third person is when Parterniti sticks closely to one character but remains in the third person. There’s lots of character interaction so this point of view helps the reader understand who the author is talking about. Although, it does make the piece have less flow and it’s more choppy in my opinion. When the author refers to Jack by his full name Jack Hooker over and over again, this shows there audience that he has his own way of thinking about things, has strong beliefs, and the close third person shows us his inner thoughts and motivations. “America is a cow. It might sound funny if you’re not from Jack Hooker’s world.” By putting it in third person it helps you enter his world, however different his world may be. Also, how he speaks as Jack, and Bout as if he is them. 

The essay is about two competing motel owners, Jack Hooker and Donna Sinhpraseut. Although they don’t know each other, Jack makes certain judgments and is resentful while Donna is shown through the unimaginable obstacles that led her to where she is, that Jack Hooker wouldn’t know. The overarching theme could be that there’s a lot more behind someone, and there’s a lot people don’t know that’s on the inside. 

Since he switches perspectives of being Donna, being Jack, and being the reader, to show us that there are different ways to look at a situation like this one. It makes you think about what you would do in this scenario. Like how we judge people who are racially different from us without thinking about where and what they may have come from. “broken Sylvania bulbs and Budweiser beer bottles smashed from the second-floor balcony last night by some wasted Mexicans, the jagged glass reflecting on the pool bottom.” The part where it says some wasted Mexicans begins to show us racial judgement, and how this will be something that comes up again. 

It makes you think about what it really means. To me, an American is someone with the freedom, to choose where they want to live, where they want to work, who they’d like to marry, etc. Jack and Bout both bring up different ideas of what it means to be American. “An American looks like Bout Sinhpraseut. Donna. A small woman with small hands and a mouth full of magnificently white teeth.” This is the physical idea of what it means to be an American, but they also go into detail on what it’ll do if you put a sign saying American Owned on the window of your motel. It’s a deep topic that has many people looking at it differently on what exactly it means to be an American.

The theme of not necessarily knowing what is going on inside of someone, and not thinking about where they may have come from, if they’re having a bad day, directly relates to David Foster Wallace and how he said, “that some of these people probably have harder, more tedious and painful lives than I do” and the importance of noticing this. This relates to “Eating Jack Hooker’s Cow” because Jack didn’t know about the obstacles Donna brought her family through and the backstory behind them.