Describe your essay’s most notable strength, using at least one direct quote from your work to support your choice. 

I think my most notable strength is bringing in my personal opinions. Not just using the sources, but adding my perspective to the situation. Interacting my voice with the sources, and not letting my own voice gets lost. “I disagree completely, these lives matter, these children have families, and they have loved ones, who will need people to empathize with them. In today’s world, we are so connected that you can find these names on the internet, so it’s not just a statistical abstraction” This is me interacting with the source and bringing in my own thoughts which I think is my most notable strength in this essay. 

Revisit your 1st Essay and then read your 2nd. How has your revision process improved? Call attention to one place in your 2nd essay where revision helped significantly.

In my 2nd essay, using the Barclay paragraph and a Naysayer was something that I focused on with revision. Not only making sure I had them, but making sure it was polished like we talked about in class. “Bloom’s understanding is that empathy is particularly insensitive to consequences that apply statistically rather than to specific individuals. While I agree that there’s a right and wrong time to empathize with someone, like if someone passes, sometimes giving space before showing empathy would be preferred. Instead of smothering the ones who were hurt with love, you may wait until the right moment.” This is the first half of my naysayer paragraph, instead of just stating the other side, I went into detail on why I can see where they may be coming from. This was something I focused on in revision, especially in the second essay.

Briefly analyze your integration of source material. What techniques did you use to synthesize source materials within your 2nd essay?

I integrated sources well, I would use transitions to help the sources fall into place. I feel like I had a nice introduction to the source before I used it, by saying, “as Wallace puts it” and others. This was to help the flow of the essay, and to not just throw the source in, but have something that helps readers understand where the material came from. 

How has your voice been integrated as part of your academic writing so far this semester? Find your strongest use of voice in Essay #2, paste it into your post, then speak briefly about its strengths. 

I already mentioned this as my biggest strength, but it was my voice integration I believe. Like when I mention the source but then say my own thoughts regarding it so the reader doesn’t lose sight of what I believe. “I disagree completely, these lives matter, these children have families, and they have loved ones, who will need people to empathize with them. In today’s world, we are so connected that you can find these names on the internet, so it’s not just a statistical abstraction” I tried in this essay to be stronger with my points, be more persuasive, in a way of saying that I’m right in this situation. I use counterarguments as well, but I try to stay on point in what I’m arguing. 

Paste then analyze your thesis statements from the first and second essay. How do they compare? Note similarities/differences. Which is stronger, and why? 

First: I believe we must monitor our use or else we will lose social skills, lose valuable in-person friendships while showing the next generation that this is essential to our daily lives and that we can’t live without it.

Second: Incorporating (Wallace’s) awareness will help us understand each other as individuals and take a deeper look into what others may be going through. 

I feel like I’m more specific in the second one, and it’s easier to elaborate on. I can talk about Wallace’s awareness, as well as outlooks on other individuals, and then a deeper look into what they actually might be going through. I think it’s more to the point and overall a stronger thesis.